26805 Van Born Rd,
Taylor, MI 48180
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Why Church was Canceled Yesterday!

13 Jan 2016
Canaan Baptist Church

I don’t have time for church

Mrs. Elders was very sick and legitimately could not go to church. So, because his wife was sick, Mr. Elders did not go to church either. In stead, he went bowling. When anyone asked, he did not go because his wife was ill.

Mrs. H. Partee did not go to worship God at church because she had a Tupperware party. Though the Partees were not hurting financially, Mrs. Partee felt driven to build her home business because she forgot that she used to be driven to build up the work at the house of God. Mrs. Partee invited her friends from the home party to church many times before. She could not figure out why they would not come. Of course, the friends wondered why they would want to go to church when Mrs. Partee was not even excited about church herself.

Church was cancelled for Mr. Ballden. He decided that he needed to have a family day. He had worked overtime all week. So, he slept late and watched tv on Saturday. Sunday was the only day he had for the family day. He woke up early, before dawn, to get a good parking spot and make good time driving. They had a great time at that ball game. Although by his actions, he taught his kids that Church was not important on Sundays when there was a game, he did wonder why his kids never got as excited about Church as they did about the game. Incidently, because Mr. Ballden did not go to Church, he did not put in his offering, making that the second Sunday in a row since he slept in last Sunday.


I have to many problems to go to church this week

Mr. Will Cash skipped church because he was so discouraged about the finances of the Church. He has been just so disheartened for some time about the people that do not support the church with tithes and offerings, that it has seemed pointless to put in his own offerings. After all, why should he when so many people do not? The finances are such a lost cause after all, that Mr. Cash cannot even enjoy church anymore. So, he just did not go to service or give offerings. Incidently, this made in impossible for the treasurer to pay the electric bill this week.

Brother Gomer Cheatowski decided that he could not go to church because of his wife Delila. He found out last month that last year, his wife had lied to him. Last year when Delila said that she was working all night on a big project at work, she had actually gone and spent the evening at an old boy friend’s house. Delila has sworn for the last month that nothing happened. Gomer said that even if nothing did happen, he is still angry she did not come home to her family, her house. Gomer is tired of people asking how things are going with his family, so yesterday, he chose to go to another church where he was not a member without even thinking that that was the same thing he was upset at his wife for doing last year. After all he went to church somewhere. That was all that mattered.

The teen ager, Nick Owl, felt terribly sick Sunday morning, so he slept through Sunday School. He woke up in time for morning service, but he felt like he just had to get some more sleep. N. Owl finally woke up at 2:00 pm and started to fell better about 5 o’clock. Of course, he could not go to the evening service because his on-line game team was in the middle of a vast military campaign. The battle was starting soon. It was so massive a quest that it was sure to last until 4:00 am, just like it had Saturday night. Maybe he could get to church next week if his team could accomplish the mission objective, capturing the magic talisman, the jeweled cross of the Dark Monk Cathedral.


Bored in Church


When it comes to church, it is about the kids. Right?

Mr. Moralle refused to go to church yesterday in protest. Although he was not a member, he has been going for about a year. He likes it and the people, but every time the preacher starts talking about people living together out of wedlock, the sin of drunkenness, the need for soul winning, or money, he lays out of church for a week or two. That ought to teach the preacher to keep the subject matter in the proper bounds.

Though they were members, the Youngers decided to look for another church. There is not enough youth activities for their kids. Sure the pastor had asked Mr. and Mrs. Younger to help out with youth group, or at bring their teens out to the activities. But the Youngers complained about driving distances and time. So, now they go to another church that is farther away from their home.

Mrs. Momney heard about the Youngers. Her kids kept saying that they did not want to go to church because it was too boring. So, they decided Saturday night that they would try the church that the Youngers were trying.

How often do you have to go to church in order to be right with God? 


Pastor has to go to church. He’s paid to be there.

Too many people to name did not go to church yesterday because they just did not feel like it. Some did not go because they do not like the music any more. Others did not go because their were no dramatic skits. Others did not go because there are not any attractive people of the opposite gender. Some thought the preacher is too angry. Others thought he was too boring. Some thought he did not read enough Bible, others said it was too much. Some were sick of the preacher quoting other preachers. Others said there were not enough jokes. Some did not like the preacher because he did not visit enough. Others did not like how much the pastor was in their business.

So, the Pastor called off service yesterday saying that there was a storm warning. But that was not the real reason. Pastor called off because of how many members he knew would not come to church. He also felt tired of being the only one committed to always being faithful. Of course, he was not the only one committed, but he felt like it. He would not admit it to himself, but he felt, “Why should I be the only one that comes out to church when others won’t?”


Maybe some more pills will help.


No one really cares about going to Church anymore. Right?

If the pastor, or deacons, or any of the members had shown up for the church, they would have met three people at church yesterday that they did not expect. They would have met Mr. Learner. He was new to the area, just starting at the university. He had promised his grandma that he would try to find a church. Oh well, at least he could say that he tried to go to church. What was the big deal with church anyway? These people canceled yesterday, it was not that big a deal for them. When he found that church was not open, he decided to go to a kegger he had been invited to.

The second person that tried to go to church yesterday was Miss, Hurtz. She was not rich or powerful, but she still had a home-made bandage on her left wrist from last night. She was looking for some hope, or maybe an answer. She had thought that maybe Church could help. But of course, no one was there. So, she went home to take some more pills.

The third person that tried to attend service yesterday was the deacon’s son who had worked up enough courage to try to come back. He had left home and church a year ago. He wanted to come back all year but had been too angry with them all, even though he knew deep down he was wrong. The deacon’s son was sure that he would if he was going to see his parents yesterday, Church was where they were going to be. After all, they had always made him go every service when he was still living at home. Seeing them at church seemed less threatening than going to the house. He just hoped to get something worked out. He really did not want to stay away any longer, that was until he pulled into the church parking lot and saw that no one was there. He was right about his parents after all. As he left the parking lot, he had one word for his parents, the pastor, the whole church: Hypocrites.

Who was in your spot at Church this week?